Have I Lost My Purpose?

I know, I know, my blogs have been a bit of a downer lately. I promise I’m not always this depressing, but I started writing at a time when my head’s just… heavy. Not everything is doom and gloom, but it’s hard to see the green grass when you’re knee-deep in mud, stressed about the future and feeling like you’ve lost your sense of purpose.

People keep telling me, “You should enjoy this time off! You’ll never get this chance again.” I get where they’re coming from, I really do. Technically, I have all this free time. I could do anything, be anyone, go anywhere. But the reality? I’m money conscious now, staring down the clock until my redundancy pay runs out (and let’s be honest, it wasn’t exactly a lottery win). All my friends are working, so my visions of spontaneous weekday adventures have been replaced with solo walks and a lot of staring at my phone. Sure, I could do things alone, but it’s just not the same, and then the guilt creeps in. Shouldn’t I be spending every hour job hunting, updating my portfolio, learning new skills, doing something productive?

The worst part is waking up and not having anywhere to be, nothing to tick off, no shared goal to work towards. I miss that structure, that sense of being needed, even if it was just to send another pointless Teams or sit in another meeting that could’ve been an email. Now, I feel like I’m wandering through a maze with no exit, no map, and no one to help with directions. It’s draining. Some days it paralyses me. I get stuck at home, not wanting to leave, sinking into a pit I can’t quite climb out of.

Everyone says I shouldn’t wish this time away, I’ll probably be working for the next fifty years of my life, but it’s hard not to when every day feels like a blank page you’re too anxious to write on.

But here’s the thing (and maybe this is the positive bit I’ve been searching for): I’m still here. Even when it feels pointless, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going, I’m still showing up. Maybe that’s enough for now. Maybe purpose isn’t always about having a big goal or a packed diary. Maybe, sometimes, it’s just about getting through the day, making a cup of tea, and remembering that even the muddiest patches eventually give way to green grass—if you keep walking.

So, if you’re feeling lost too, know you’re not alone. We’ll find our way, even if it’s one slow, uncertain step at a time.