Am I an Imposter?

Redundancy. There’s a word I never wanted to feature in my life story, but here we are. People keep telling me it’s for the best, that I’ll find something better, that it’s a blessing in disguise. Maybe it is, but right now, it just feels like rejection, fear, and a big fat question mark hovering over my future.

I’ve always carried a bit of imposter syndrome around with me. Can I actually do this? Am I really any good at what I do, or have I just been winging it all along and no one’s noticed yet? Now, with the endless job applications, the polite-but-painful rejections (especially for roles I feel I’m overqualified for), and the total radio silence from companies who can’t even be bothered to send a “no thanks,” that imposter voice is getting louder.

It’s brutal. Every “unfortunately, you’ve not been successful” email chips away at whatever confidence I had left. I start to wonder: What if I actually don’t find a job in time? I can’t move home, that’s not an option. And if I did, would I ever get back to London? Would I have to take a pay cut? I was barely scraping by on my old salary as it was. The cost of living in London is no joke, and the thought of going backwards is terrifying.

I’m genuinely trying to stay positive, to believe there’s a workplace out there that will value me, a team I’ll fit into, a future I can actually get excited about. Deep down, I do believe I’m good at what I do, that I’d be a fabulous asset to any team. But the fear is still there, clinging on, whispering that maybe everyone else will see through me too. Maybe they’ll think I’m an imposter, just like I sometimes do.

Imposter syndrome is weird like that. It doesn’t care about your achievements, your experience, or the nice things people say about you. It just sits there, waiting for a moment of vulnerability, like now, to remind you of every doubt you’ve ever had.

But maybe, just maybe, this is the part of the story where things turn around. Maybe I’ll look back and see this as the moment I finally started believing in myself for real, not just faking it till I make it. For now, though, I’m just putting one foot in front of the other, sending off another application, and hoping that soon, the imposter in the room gets a little quieter.

If you’re reading this and feeling the same, just know you’re not alone. We’re all just trying to find our place, and maybe that’s enough for today.